Yesterday contained one of the lowest lows I've ever experienced as a teacher.
Representatives from the state's Charter School Office were observing every classroom as part of a critical site visit of our young school. Our students were told what was going on and that many visitors would be watching classes throughout the day.
I have never expected my students to put on a show when someone (anyone) comes into the classroom. I expect that I have my students focused and on task enough that they might not even notice someone come in (which has happened many times in years past). I would like to think that if I'm doing my job, there's nothing to hide or fear no matter when someone might wander in. It's why I usually completely ignore whoever enters, and go on as if nothing happened after they leave. It sends a clear message that they are not to perform; this is the way things need to be all the time.
That being said, I've been in this game long enough to know one thing to be absolutely true: If your students respect you, they will always be at their absolute best when someone observes the class without being asked. If you have built strong relationships with them, they want to make you look good because they like you and respect you. They don't want you to be fired, reprimanded or reassigned elsewhere. It is one small way they know they can say "thank you" in a meaningful way.
I'm happy to say that I've always had students on my side, and knew I wouldn't have to ask them to behave or pretend they're learning something. They did behave and they were learning something. Even when I had horrible classes, or good classes with that one student who was like a tornado of disruptive behavior, they all showed me this respect without fail. I've been in classrooms where students had no respect for their teacher, and usually for good reason. I'm not that kind of teacher.
I've never, ever been embarrassed by a class as much as I was on Tuesday. First, an observer came into this particular class at the beginning, and the students were better than usual. It wasn't long after she left that things went south. They were so engrossed in their inane conversations and dutifully ignoring their work that they were oblivious to a second observer coming in. This observer got to see what the classroom looks like on a regular basis.
Now, the observer didn't seem to be very surprised or interested in what they saw (he actually seemed a little more focused on organizing his paperwork). In addition, the preliminary feedback we received from the CSO was completely positive, almost overwhelmingly so. So really, what happened in my classroom doesn't matter in the context of the big picture.
Unfortunately, none of that is comforting to me in the least. My students sent me a clear message yesterday:
We don't respect you.
We don't care about your class.
We could care less if you weren't our teacher tomorrow.
I wouldn't believe any of this if yesterday wasn't the latest in a series of similar episodes. I now realize that this particular class has been mediocre to awful in every observation I've had this year. The feelings of embarrassment and frustration from each of those flooded back to me yesterday, magnified through the introspective lens I had turned on myself due to the stress of this whole process.
Now I'm left with a ton of questions. What did I do wrong this year? Have I really failed that thoroughly and completely? How much of it is my fault? Am I devolving as a teacher?
I'll end this on a slightly positive note. While I basically indicted the entire class, there is a small group of extraordinary students in that same class that make me want to get up and come to school every day. I thank them constantly, but not enough. I wish I could take comfort in their amazing effort, but I can't.
12 comments:
Ugh! I hate when incidents like this happen, especially to good teachers. I would have a conversation with them. Talk to them about what you observed. Whenever we go on fieldtrips, I always tell my students that they are representing our school and their families. If they act appropriately, people will remember them for that and will think to themselves that our school is good and that their parents raised good kids. If they act up, then they will also be remembered, but in a very negative way. Most kids seem to respond. I bet you could have a similar conversation with this group of students. If nothing else, they will know that you are disappointed in them.
Here's another possibility - they are SO comfortable with you that the lines have gotten blurry. One of my classes is like that this year and it has led to many experiences like the one you described. The students and I just groove so well together that class tends to get pretty casual. As such, they end up taking liberties (like chatting), too. Maybe it was a compliment in a strange sort of way..... :)
I agree with jbuttars. I find that my students are way more casual with me but that's because it fits my personality. Even though their behavior may be worse, my results are better. The students always tell me they actually understand what I teach and I think it's attributed to the fact that my emphasis is on teaching and not behavior.
I'm sorry. That's always hard when you have a class act like that. At least you have those great students, and hopefully their behavior will be contagious. Do you make sure to point out the students who are doing a good job? That always helps me (when I remember).
I know how that feels and it's awful. I have had classes like that and I told them the truth: "I am wondering what I have done wrong because your behavior is unacceptable." and I have asked them to write some sincere 'teaching tips' for me to help them change. Sometimes, the answers are overwhelmingly apologetic. Other times, they give me some real advice. Sometimes, they just write 'math is gay.' But, it's worth a try.
wow - i have that experience every day - not to mention the fact that one class they were writing that i was fat on the back of their slates. It has gone from bad to worse. A fight broke out in my formal observation and of course since then i have been the scorn of the school. There have been so many incidents in my class, I am afraid that each day will be my last. At this point with 9 weeks to go, I feel helpless. These are 5th graders not ready for 6th and I do not know when it all got so bad. I had an okay year last year, but I am beginning to think teaching is not for me anymore. As i sit and struggle with ways to be creative and engaging, I never seem to hit it. If I were the principal would I keep me? Probably not and that would be a shame because I try hard and work like everyone else, but something did not click this year I am sorry that I gave 25 good kids a bad memory.
Maddy's comment is just what I would do. (Come to think of it, I need to do it with a particular class I have right now.) With the end of the school year nearing, these feelings of helplessness and inadequacy surface. When I was teaching a class of 28 sophomores, I found myself spending a scheduled 20 minutes each Friday in reflective conversation that helped both the personalities in class and me. They had trouble accepting one another; I had spent much of the semester focusing on individuals' responses to me when I should have stepped back to see that the trouble wasn't me it was the chemistry of the students. We are a part of the whole; we are not the reason for all of our students' actions.
My kids are good most of the time, especially when someone comes in the room. BUT, I've found that there are some students who are just incredibly self-involved. They think that they and their inane conversations make the world go 'round. It's not necessarily that they don't respect you--they simply don't have any manners. Too many kids these days are raised without them.
Wow, these are great comments. Kids getting too comfortable? Could be. Lack of manners? That could be, too.
Maybe also...the kids are so used to people coming in the classroom to observe that they don't pay any attention. You taught the kids to act natural, and they did.
Whatever the reason...maybe it's not SUCH a bad thing?
Your honesty is so refreshing. I have had the same feelings. Talking to the class about what happened will help them to understand how their behaviors made you feel. One year during a formal evaluation, one of my sixth grade students seemed determined to make me look bad. She made comments that were unbelievable like, "I don't understand a word you just said" or "We learned this last year." For some reason, she was ticked off at me or just wanted to get attention. I regret that I didn't talk to her later. I just felt so bad.
I realize I'm a year and a half late to this comment thread, but I wanted to echo Betty's comment about how refreshing is the honesty expressed here, both in the original post and in the comments. Just knowing that other teachers experience the same frustrations that I do is tremendously encouraging. A couple of other points I wanted to make:
I wholeheartedly agree with Jen's comment that "we are a part of the whole; we are not the reason for all of our students' actions." While all of us as teachers should of course be looking for ways to improve our classes and our students' behavior, there's only so much we can do. It's not productive to beat ourselves up when we have classes that don't go the way we want them to.
For anonymous, who worries that teaching may not be for him/her because of misbehaving classes, I've had these same feelings and they're no fun. Something that has worked for me is to ask an experienced teacher or administrator to come observe my worst class and offer their perspective or suggestions. It's not a silver bullet, but anytime I start feeling like "I'm not a good enough teacher" I immediately go talk to another teacher (one who I know will be supportive and encouraging) and that always helps. One of the worst things we can do as teachers is to isolate ourselves from the wisdom and assistance which our peers can provide. Hang in there anonymous; it's tough work, but you can do it.
HI Mr D! I think jbuttars might be right, too. I had a class as a student teacher, where one student would constantly chatter in class, and I used to think that he didn't respect me (especially as I was 'just a student teacher'). But when my visiting lecturer came, he asked me if I wanted him to be 'really good' while he was ther. I said no, of course, just be normal, but he did not talk out of turn once!
The purpose of this little story being that he chatted because he was comfortable with me, rather than because he didn't respect me. Since your students were great for the first observer, it looks like thiz might have been the case.
Either way, there is a great lesson in what you have written, and having just stumbled across your site for tips about taking a mid-year class, I can see that I will be back for more!
Keep up the good work, Mr D!
Zenobia Southcombe
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